Anna and Barry

This is going to be another post on the subject of love and relationships. However, I've decided that instead of using awkward names like "Person A" and "Person B" to make my point, I'm just going to call our two hypothetical people Anna and Barry.

Before I even tell the story of Anna and Barry, I want to make it clear that Anna and Barry are composite characters. They are composites of many people and situations. However, I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit that there is a lot of my wife ( Ruth ) in Anna, and a lot of me in Barry.

In any case, let me get to the story of Anna and Barry...

Anna and Barry are in a long term loving relationship ( You can think of them as being married, engaged, on the way to being engaged, or perhaps just committed to living with each other for a long time ( because not everybody believes in the institution of marriage ). The bottom line is that Anna and Barry love each other, and are deeply committed to each other ). However, everything is not perfect in their little paradise.

There are jealousy issues in this relationship. Anna tend to be very jealous of Barry, even though he never gives her much of a reason to be jealous. However, while Barry isn't doing anything to make Anna jealous, he is not entirely free from blame. Much of Anna's jealousy stems from insecurity, and Barry hasn't been doing enough reduce that insecurity. He may not realize how insecure she is, and he may not even know the best way to make her feel secure, but he certainly needs to find a way to give her more reassurance. He needs to find a way to make her feel more special. He certainly feels that she's the most special woman in the world, but he hasn't been doing enough to let her know.

Anna needs more reassurance, because deep down, she doesn't feel like she's good enough for Barry. Deep down, she always fears that he'll leave her for somebody better. These fears are actually quite silly considering how much Barry loves her, especially her occasional fear that he might leave her for somebody more attractive. After all, Anna's well aware that Barry finds her attractive, and whenever a man is truly in love with a woman, I believe that the equation below applies:

(pretty girl) + LOVE = ( The most beautiful girl in the world )

As long as Barry truly loves Anna, he's going to think of her as the most beautiful girl in the world. Thus, Anna should never worry that Barry's love will fade because he finds another woman more attractive than her. What she should be worrying about is that Barry could find another woman more attractive than her if his love fades.

This bring us back to the jealously. The jealously certainly has the potential to damage the bond of love between Anna and Barry. Anna can't help being jealous sometimes, and she sometimes lets Barry know this. This isn't good for the relationship at all, because Anna's jealousy makes Barry upset. He feels like she doesn't trust him, and that hurts. It's hurts more than Anna will ever know. Barry feels like Anna doubts his love for her, and that makes him fell unappreciated. He very much wants to feel like his love is completely accepted and appreciated, but he sometimes feels Anna is not completely open to his love.

Needless to say, all of the issues surrounding this jealousy can damage the love which Anna and Barry have. Because the jealously damages the love, and the love is what keeps Barry faithful, Anna's fears that Barry will stray have the potential to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Most people ( except for your occasional serial killer type ) really want to be good deep down. Most people really want to do the right thing. However, a little encouragement never hurts. It's easier for people to do the right thing if they feel appreciated for doing the right thing. Barry has always been faithful to Anna, and wants to feel like Anna appreciates that. When Anna expresses jealously, it's basically the opposite of of encouragement. Barry is more likely to remain faithful if he receives some positive reinforcement for his fidelity. If he doesn't get positive reinforcement, it's more likely that he will stray.

Perhaps Barry won't stray in the physical sense, but if the love fades a bit and he feels unappreciated, he could stray in an emotional sense. He could become more emotionally distant from Anna. This will invariably lead to more jealously from Anna, which will lead to more emotional distance, which can continue on in a viscous cycle until the once great love Anna and Barry had will be destroyed.

So yeah, jealousy in a relationship can be a very bad thing. It can degrade even the strongest love. However, the viscous cycle can be stopped, assuming you recognize what is happening and try to do something about it.

Anna needs to love herself more. Anna need to feel like she is good enough for Barry. Anna needs to feel like Barry is the luckiest man in the world to have her, and Barry needs to let Anna know that he is the luckiest man in the world. Barry needs to let Anna know this EVERY DAY.

These steps aren't always easy, but true love is a great and rare thing, and nothing truly great in life comes easy.

In any case folks, keep that in mind as you embark on your journey for true love. Keep in mind that true love is a journey and not a destination.

I think I'll close this post by quoting a simple ( but wise ) thing CG#1 once told me...

"It's easy to be in love, the hard part is the relationship."

See ya folks,
Rich