I usually try not to write about the same topic for two blog posts in a row. However, as I sit here writing this sentence today ( November 29, 2017 ), Matt Lauer and Garrison Keillor have been added to the list of sexual harassers who have been exposed, and I'm sure a few more men will be added to the list by the time you read this. There may be more important things going in the world right now ( the GOPs horrible tax bill and the looming threat of a nuclear exchange with North Korea come to mind ), but I don't think anything else captures the climate of our nation right now more than our long-overdue national discussion about sexual harassment.
With that in mind, I like to propose an idea I have for limiting all this reprehensible behavior from men. It's a completely impractical idea, that would be almost impossible to put into practice. In fact, it's more of a dream than a practical idea, but sometimes dream is all we have when the real world seems hopeless. So, I invite you to suspend your disbelief a little bit and dream this dream with me.
Back when I was a child, my mother told me about Sadie Hawkins Day. Sadie Hawkins Day doesn't hold much cultural currency today, but back in my Mom's day, each November 15th marked the day when woman were encouraged to break cultural norms by asking men out on dates.
So, assuming you've decided to dream along with me, let's dream of a world in which every day is Sadie Hawkins Day. Let's dream of world in which it is the cultural norm for women to ask men out on dates, and it is strongly frowned upon for men to ask women out on dates or to ever make the first move in initiating a romantic relationship. I believe that such a world would have far fewer incidents of sexual harassment than our world today.
It would also be a far less sexist world. There is something inherently sexist about the idea that men are expected to pursue women, as if men are hunters and the women are their prey. There is something inherently objectifying about the idea that women are prizes to be won.
I know that some people might argue that if woman and men switched traditional courtship roles, we'd just wind up with a world in which women regularly sexually harassed men. However, I believe that argument can be shot down with just one letter - Y, as in the Y chromosome.
Due to genetic differences, a man will almost always be significantly taller, heavier, and stronger than a women he might have romantic interest in. Of course there are some exceptions to this, and there are certainly some well-trained female martial artists who could kick a much larger man's ass, but in general, a man would more physically intimidating than a women he might be attracted to. So, when a man makes an unwanted romantic or sexual advance on a woman, I've got to imagine that the woman must sometimes sense the potential for physical intimidation. I'm not going to pretend to understand how often a woman feels the threat of physical violence when she rejects a man's romantic advances, but based what I've heard women say about cat-calling, I'm got to imagine that an unwanted romantic or sexual advance can sometimes produces the same feelings of fear that cat-calling can.
So, there's almost always the potential for fear and intimidation when a man makes a romantic advance on a women, but this is almost never the case when a woman make a romantic advance on a man. That potential for fear and intimidation gives the male sexual harasser a kind of power over his female victims. A female sexual harasser would have the same kind of power over a male victim. Women certainly can sexually harass men based on financial power ( "financial power" in this context includes the ability to fire a person or damage a person's career prospects ), but I don't think a woman with financial power is as likely to sexually harass the opposite sex as a man with financial power, because I believe that people are more likely to act terribly towards another person if they are confident that the other person will not respond with physical violence. For that reason, I believe that men in positions of power are far more likely to harass members of the opposition sex than woman in positions of power are. For similar reasons, I think women would be far less likely to commit sexual assault against the opposite sex than men, even if women adopted men's traditional aggressive role in initiating romantic relationships. This isn't necessarily because women are more noble than than men ( although they almost certainly are ), but simply because there are not many ways a woman could sexual assault a man. To borrow a term from Todd Akin, a man would always be able to "shut that whole thing down" if a woman tried to rape him, but a female victim of sexual assault would never have that option.
So, if we lived in a Sadie Hawkins Day world, I believe thing would be better for everybody. Women would have to deal with less harassment and would almost never have to worry about creepy unwanted suitors, and I think most men would be just fine with the idea of women initiating all romantic relationships. I don't think I know a single man who was ever upset about being asked out by a woman. On the contrary, being hit on by a woman gives a man a huge ego boost ( regardless of whether the man is attracted to the woman or not ), and most men just love to have their egos stroked.
Of course, we don't live in a Sadie Hawkins Day world, and I doubt we ever will. However, I think it would be good if society took some steps towards that ideal. Even if men continued to ask women out, I think it would be very beneficial if more women asked men out. I'm well aware that plenty of women in the 21st century have no problem hitting on men, but there are still plenty of women who stick to traditional gender norms when it comes to dating. It would be great if our society got to the point were women were just as likely as men to make their romantic intentions know to the people they were attracted to. As things stand now, I think a lot of women still believe in the traditional idea that a woman should give a man "signals" and "hints" if she is interested in him, rather than directly approach him. The problem with this state of affairs is that it gives some men an excuse to look for romantic signals that are not really there. I believe that some sexual harassers invent romantic signals that are not really there, and convince themselves that those invented signals gives them license to aggressively pursue and harass woman. Of course, these men who sexually harass women based on romantic signals ( real or invented ) are simply monsters who don't know how to treat other human beings with respect. These monstrous types of men are going to be terrible people regardless of gender conventions and courtship roles, but it would be nice if our society was structured in a way they would reign them in some more.
The more I think about it, the more depressed I fell about the sad stare of affairs in when it comes sexual harassment. Here I am suggesting that we think about making major changes to our courtships conventions, because I don't really feel believe men will stop sexually harassing woman unless societal conventions make it more difficult for them to do so. Who know, maybe the prevalence of dating apps will fix this all someday in the future. Maybe the people of the future will rather just swipe left and right rather approaching the people they are attracted to directly. That loss of human connection would be really sad, but would it really be much worse than what is going on today.
Oh, by the way, now that a day has past since I started this post, I might well add Russell Simmons to the list of sexual harassers. No matter what day you read this, you could probably add a new name to the list every day.
Rich
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