It's tough to be nice in a mean world

Michael doesn't let us fight.

Any time Ruth and I start to get into any kind of dispute, Michael starts to panic.  He cringes, covers his ears, says stuff like "I'm getting really scared!", and starts making sounds like he's in pain.  It's one of the many ways in which he's such a sweet and innocent boy.

I love that he's the way he is, but it also worries me a bit.

Every night, I give him a little kiss on the cheek as he's sleeping in his bed, and every night I notice that he's starting to look older.  The little baby I used to cradle in my arms now takes up most of his bed.  His hands and feet are getting close to my size ( If I hold my hand against his, my fingers only extend an inch beyond his fingers ), he's far stronger than Ruth already, and I really wouldn't be surprised if he's stronger than me by the time he's 15 ( He'll turn 10 in October ).

This worries me because he's still very much a little boy inside - far younger than his 9 and a half years.  The world out there can be rough, and he's still too sweet and innocent to handle this world.  At the moment, he still looks young enough that most people in the world will treat with "kid gloves", but he won't look like a little kid for much longer.

Of course he'll still have Ruth, me, and his teaches to help guide him through the world for while now, but as he gets older, we we won't be able to protect him as much.  Middle school looms in a few years, and I'm really worried about how he's going to to be able to navigate the social minefield that can be.

Despite that fact that he's bigger and stronger than most of his peers, Michael is a prime candidate for bullying.  He's as non-aggressive as a kid can be, and he reacts to all aggression with tears.  Some Dads might react by trying to "toughen up" their sons ( Even Ruth seems to get a little annoyed when Michael breaks down crying in public, and had suggested that it might be a good idea that we "toughen up" Michael ), but I love Michael the way he is, and I don't want him to lose his natural sweetness ( I had the same crying issues as Michael when I was a child, so I understand how he's feeling.  For those who don't realize this, a child who cries easily already feels bad about something, and doesn't need the extra burden of being made to feel bad about the crying itself.  Seriously, telling the kid to "stop acting like a baby" doesn't help at all.  It just makes the child feel worse and leads to more crying.  A parent doesn't have to "toughen a kid up" - life will eventually take care of that.  Life will eventually inflict pain on a child which will toughen the child up.  It's stupid for a parent to think the best way to protect a child from the pain of life is too inflict some pain themselves to toughen the child up.  A child doesn't need pain from his or her parents.  A child needs love and support, and that's all parents should give when a child cries.  I often get the impression that some parents try to stop their kid from crying because the crying is an embarrassment to them.  These parents don't want to be known as the parents of a wimpy kid.  Well, I want those parents to know that it's not about them, and putting your own fear of embarrassment over the emotional needs of your child is just awful parenting.  OK, I'll get off my soapbox for now, but as you can tell, this is an issue I care deeply about.  I know from personal experience that trying to "toughen up" a kid is counter-productive. I eventually got over my emotional issues on my own, but no adult who ever called be a "baby" helped me at all. ).  When Michael cries I give him emotional support and only emotional support at that moment.  After the crying is over I talk to him about the reasons he was upset, and try to help him put things in perspective, so he can "look on the bright side" and not be quite as upset when a similar situation presents itself in the future.

However, as much support as I give him, and as much as I try to help him deal with his emotions, I know I can't always be there.  As we all know, some kids can be mean ( However, I'll stress that no kid is born mean.  Mean kids are the result of poor parenting.  Lots of parents seem more interested in raising kids built to excel in a dog-eat-dog world  than kids who are nice and want to do the right thing.  That's why the magnet high school I went to was full of smart kids who had no moral qualms about cheating their way into Harvard, Yale, or MIT ( Believe me, this story about my high school did not surprise me at all. ).  That's why Wall Street is full of amoral people who brought the world economy down.  OK, let me get off the soapbox again. ), and I'm afraid some of those kids will hurt my sweet boy. I also worry about what might happen when Michael is an adult. He's very naive and trusting, and I worry that somebody might take advantage of him someday.  We'll educate him as best we can about the dangers of the world, but the last thing I want him to become is a cynical adult.  Part me just hopes he marries somebody really street smart.  Sometimes the really sweet folks in this world need help from somebody who's a little bit bad-ass in order to get by.

Rich