No, I wasn't betrayed - nobody stabbed me in the back ...
... but I did have a knife in my back today - quite literally.
OK, here come the details ...
I've had a dime sized cyst on my back for about 3 years ( Specifically, between my right shoulder blade and spine, probably about an inch from my spine ). It never gave me any trouble, but about a month ago, it started to hurt and swell. By the time I saw the dermatologist about 4 PM today, the thing was all maroon and kinda looked like half a small plum.
The dermatologist ( who was a dead ringer for Rob Reiner ( the current bald Rob Reiner - not Meathead Rob Reiner )) told me he was going to numb the cyst first, and then squeeze out the contents of the cyst ( OK, perhaps that was TMI, but if ya don't like it, you can stop reading now ). Well, I don't know what your definition is of "numbing" something is, but apparently Dr. Reiner's definition of "numbing" is "inflict ridiculous amounts of pain".
Now, I'm not really blaming Dr. Reiner. I really doubt there was a painless way to do this procedure, but I would have liked a little bit of a warning. The problem with getting a medical procedure done on you back is you have no idea what the doctor is going to do or when the doctor is going to do it.
So, I'm sitting there on this bench/chair type thing, fully expected to feel the pinprick of a needle administering a local anesthetic. Well, I feel the pinprick, followed by a deep piercing pain, followed by about a 1 second of diminished pain. At this point, I figure he must be pulling the needle out. I'm guessing that we'll now wait a few minutes for the anesthetic to take hold, and that the worst was over. How WRONG I was. After the one second of slightly diminished pain, I feel a TREMENDOUS amount of pain - more pain that I've ever felt before. What the hell is he doing? Is he slicing into the cyst with a scalpel? What the hell? Clearly, the anesthetic can't start working after only one second. We're doing this without any real anesthetic? Where the hell is the numbing I was promised? OK Rich, don't be a wimp. You got weekly allergy shots for 10 years starting at the age of 4. You can get through this. Just grit your teeth and clutch your knees hard. It can't get worse than this. CRAP, it just did! Don't scream! Don't scream! Hold it in! Don't be a wimp! Good!, the cuttings is over. OK, you can exhale. Maybe you'll get a few seconds of re - WOAH! What was that? Why is he pressing his thumb into the cyst? For the last few days it hurt a bit when my shirt would brush again the cyst. This pressing with the thumb is not good. It almost makes me miss the cutting pain. I guess he's trying to squeeze the innards of the cyst out of the hole he cut in it. I guess the hole must be on one side of the cyst because he keep running his thumb over the cyst, as if he's trying to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste out of a tube. OMG! OMFG! Please be done soon! Don't scream! Don't give him any reason to stop. If he stops, he'll just have to start again later. I want to get this over with as soon as possible. Pain ... pain stopping ... exhale .. look over my shoulder, he's getting some kind of bandage ready. It's finally over.
Well, the wasn't fun, but it had to be done. Doc Meathead told me that he thinks he got all the cyst out and that it probably won't come back. I guess all there is to do now it sit around and wait for the throbbing pain in my back to subside. It's times like this when I'm really glad I'm married to a doctor. Redressing the wound is not going to be fun tomorrow morning, but at least my wife knows what she it doing.
Anway, time to go to bed ( Thank goodness I typically never sleep on my back ).
Rich
